when shakti returns to source

I was continuously mrejected by society. At first I counted it as wound after wound. Later I
understood that rejection repeated enough times stops being about other people. It becomes a furnace. It becomes initiation.

When acceptance becomes bliss, the Guru takes over. When Shakti is forever rejected, She returns to source.

Till yesterday I was restless, caught in repetition of patterns. Then a few minutes of honest
introspection showed me where I was heading wrong. Brahman guides just perfectly when the longing has been long enough, because then bhakti becomes fire.

I see now what that fire was for. It burned up the negotiator in me, the part that was still asking
society for entry. Once that part was gone, Shakti did not ask anymore. She rose. When Shakti calls, She just rises. She does not stop.

Then came the final call and everything internally stilled. A sacred paralysis. I know now this was
not collapse. It was prana no longer scattering outward but collecting at the source. Stillness took over and I became that truth. Truth stirred me because I was finally still enough to be stirred by what had always been constant. That is when Shiva and Shakti became inseparable. Not as union of two, but as recognition that stillness and rising were never two movements.

Brahman guides you means this. When you approach Ishwara with a pure heart, even Shabri’s ucchista was eaten by Shree Ram. In the womb of Ma Kamakhya, everything and everyone is
accepted. There blood is not pollution, it is power.

Guru Brahman never rejects anyone. Even when you are in your periods, the Guru touches you and
picks you up. I hold close how Krishna saved Draupadi’s dignity during her cheer haran, when she was on her periods, and then showed her the purpose of her life. Brahman does not operate in the duality that makes rejection possible. Society must divide into pure and impure to maintain its order. Ishwara sees only the purity of the heart.

Ucchista Matangi became wisdom for me. Ucchista is what orthodoxy calls leftover, touched and
therefore unfit. To make a Goddess of it is already rebellion. This I add from my own living. When the same wisdom remains untouched by the world, not in a ritual sense but inwardly, when She does not absorb their allegations and their dualities, She becomes sinless. She becomes Anagha. Sinlessness here is not moral perfection. It is untaintedness. The world may touch her, but she does not let the touch define her substance.

Rejection did not end me. It returned me.

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